The Behaviour Iceberg Explained

What it means when we reference a behaviour iceberg

I’m sure most people have seen some variation of the image below floating around online.

It’s a pretty good visual to help us understand that the externalized behaviour we see is only a very small piece of the puzzle. Why is it so important to understand this, and why is it such a popular conceptualization?

Human beings, especially neurodivergent people and those who have experienced trauma, are highly complex.

When we have spent our lives having to mask, camouflage, or hide true parts of ourselves as a matter of self-protection, then what you see on the outside may not even match what we’re feeling on the inside.

We are very quick to assume a person’s intent based on the behaviour we observe: A child not following directions is being disobedient or defiant, a child crying and yelling is throwing a “tantrum”, a child responding with anger is being aggressive.

Yet this is rarely the case. A child not following directions may have auditory processing disorder, anxiety, or simply may not fully understand what’s being asked of them.

Anxiety doesn’t always look like someone quietly biting their nails in the corner.

A child crying and yelling may be in fight-or-flight mode, having a meltdown, or panicking. They may be feeling afraid, or have a history of trauma that we don’t know about.

They may simply be tired, hungry, overwhelmed, or any number of underlying factors that we haven’t looked for (yet). A lot of neurodivergent people struggle with interoception — being aware of our physical senses in our bodies, including fatigue, hunger, thirst, even needing to go to the bathroom.

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